So with the first Indians loss of the season last night, naturally I went home and watched Major League to make myself feel better. It occured to me when I was watching it that Major League offers up some valuable lessons to the viewer, and Cleveland fans everywhere. Here are the most notable:
Don’t Underestimate Cleveland
Sports
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| Keep on creepin' on, Jake. |
Stalking girls home from work
sometimes works out: my man Jake Taylor did the often hated-on move of stalking
his would-be wife home from work. Little does he know that she’s actually going
to her fiancé’s apartment. Hey, if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, again,
right? The second time he followers her
home from the stadium and hit’s a home run, terrible pun intended. The lesson
in this case is that while many hate stalking the girl you have a crush on,
Jake Taylor showed us that sometimes, it pays off.
The wave is a momentum changer:
Clinging to a one run lead in the top of the 9th with runners on the corners, all it takes is a two-person wave to get
short pop out to Taylor for seal the win. If that isn’t concrete proof of it’s power I don’t
know what is.
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| Before |
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| After |
“Cut your nuts off and stuff them
down your fucking throat” always works: Jake Taylor’s words to Roger Dorn.
Never fails. Did you see the diggers Dorn took after Taylor threatened him like
this? If I ever have a problem with a co-worker, now I know exactly how to
rectify the situation.
There’s no way this Kevin Costner
movie will ever be as good as Major League
The matchup: Jesus vs. Jobu
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a. Jobu can’t hit a curveball (-Jobu) (+JC)
b. Jobu
curses Harris after he drinks his rum (+Jobu) (-JC)
c. Jobu
is in the bullpen as Harris warms up for the playoff, but Harris is losing till
Cerrano says “Fuck you Jobu” and hits a 2 run homer (--Jobu) (++JC)
FINAL TALLY: My man JC smokes Jubo with a final score of +2 to -2.
FINAL TALLY: My man JC smokes Jubo with a final score of +2 to -2.
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